Why "Conflicting Out" Your Spouse Creates More Problems Than It Solves

Divorce is emotional. When a marriage ends, it is natural to want every possible advantage.

Unfortunately, some people attempt to gain that advantage by intentionally "conflicting out" their spouse.

Conflicting out occurs when one spouse schedules consultations with a number of local divorce attorneys with no intention of hiring them. Because attorneys have ethical obligations to protect confidential information shared during consultations, those lawyers are then unable to represent the other spouse.

At first glance, this strategy may seem clever. In reality, it often creates more problems than solutions and an overall feeling of distrust right from the beginning.  

It is completely reasonable to consult with several attorneys before choosing representation. Divorce is an important legal matter, and you should feel confident in the attorney you hire. Meeting with two or three attorneys to evaluate experience, communication style, and strategy is often a smart decision.

The problem arises when consultations are scheduled solely to prevent the other spouse from obtaining counsel.

When one spouse attempts to eliminate every experienced family law attorney in the area, the result is usually increased conflict and frustration. The other spouse may be forced to seek representation farther away, increasing costs and creating logistical challenges.  

Good local representation benefits both parties.

Attorneys who regularly practice in the local court system understand the judges, procedures, and expectations that influence family law cases. Experienced local counsel can often help move cases forward more efficiently and identify practical solutions to common disputes.

Divorce is not a contest to see who can make the process more difficult. It is a legal process designed to resolve issues involving finances, parenting, and a family's future.

When both spouses have competent representation, negotiations tend to be more productive. Attorneys can communicate effectively, identify realistic outcomes, and help clients focus on solutions rather than conflict.

If your goal is a fair resolution that protects your future and your children, creating unnecessary obstacles rarely serves anyone well.

The best outcomes are usually achieved when both parties have access to experienced legal counsel and are focused on resolving issues rather than creating new ones.