Protecting Children Through Divorce

I know you have asked yourself more than once, “What is the divorce going to do to my children?” 

Every parent going through a divorce is concerned about their children and wants to protect them. This usually begins when you start thinking about divorce and intensifies as the divorce progresses.  

After many years of experience as a divorce attorney, I know it is possible to minimize the impact of the divorce on your children. While you cannot shield them from the reality of the divorce, you and your spouse can certainly minimize their involvement. How do you do this? 

You and your spouse need to create clear emotional boundaries with your children so they are not involved in the divorce itself. It helps tremendously to commit to peace through the process (rather than fighting). Lastly, let your children process the divorce in their own way while you keep a close eye on their well-being.  

The truth is that you cannot eliminate 100% of the impact of divorce on your children, but you and your spouse can control its severity. And the team at Adkins Family Law is here to support you every step of the way.  

Step 1:  Agree to keep the children out of the emotional parts of your divorce.  

This is known as “not involving the children in your divorce,” and it is an important standard to set right from the start of your split. Both parents must commit to and keep their word not to discuss the divorce inappropriately with the kids, including:    

• No discussions about why the divorce is happening past terms they can understand  

• No discussions about the other parent’s behavior or who is at fault for the divorce  

• Not using your children to deliver messages to your spouse  

• No sharing legal updates or financial decisions unless your child is older and initiates the conversation  

• Not asking your child directly or indirectly to choose a side    

It is critical to remember that children of any age are not mature enough to process adult conflict as they lack the necessary emotional frameworks. However, when parents overshare, children will absorb the stress, which is an unfair burden.  

Step 2:  Choose how you will divorce.

When it comes to protecting your children, how you will divorce matters just as much as who gets what, and we know that choosing a peaceful divorce path is key. Peace is healthier for your emotional state, reduces your legal bills, and sets you and your spouse up to co-parent the children for years to come.   

We recommend a collaborative law approach to your divorce in Broward County. You and your spouse each retain an attorney, but you agree to settle issues fairly and stay out of court. This reduces conflict, focuses on peace, and still provides you with legal protection. And, in the end, you make the decisions for your family, not a judge.

If you decide to go the traditional litigation route and fight for everything, you create conflict that disrupts your children. In these circumstances, a judge is the one who makes final decisions for your family, including custody schedules, financial decisions, and the particulars of how your children will grow up. While you might want your day in court and feel your spouse deserves severe punishment from a judge, that comes with a high emotional and financial toll. Litigation is expensive and time-consuming, and it takes away control over decisions and peace of mind.  

To be clear, the path of peace does not mean you just give in. As your divorce attorney, I am there every step of the way, making sure your future is protected and that you do not give in to demands that could hurt you later.

Step 3: How to talk to your children honestly and appropriately.  

As you tell your children about the divorce, it is critical to talk honestly in ways that they can understand and start to process. Then, parents should step back and give them time to process.  Let them come to you with questions that you promise to answer as honestly as you can. Some children have questions right away, and others will circle back in their own time. Reassure them that they can talk to you about their feelings without judgment.    

Step 4: Pay close attention to red flags.

Even with the most well-thought-out approach, you need to watch out for the following signs that your child is struggling:  

• Withdrawal from friends or social activities

• Slipping grades or loss of interest in school

• Decreased interest in hobbies or things they previously loved

• Increased anxiety, irritability, or emotional outbursts

• Regression in younger children (bedwetting, clinginess, separation anxiety)

When you see a signal, it is time to seek professional advice and possibly counseling. That does not mean you, as a parent, have failed; it just means your child needs extra support.  

The goal is not a perfect divorce for your children. Our goal is to remove tension. We know there will be bumps. But we want to keep the focus on your child’s stability so they can continue to participate in their lives. We want your child to feel completely supported through all the changes and know they have two parents committed to their success.  

Our team is ready to protect your family as you go through the divorce process here in Broward County. Contact us today at (954) 734-6048  to schedule a call.